You know what that means. The Super Bowl Inquisitor is back!
Like the guy in the movie Say Anything..who only comes out of hiding once per year dressed in a chicken suit, the SBI makes his annual contribution to my blog…sans the chicken suit, however.
As is his custom, the SBI has some intriguing questions regarding this year’s ultimate NFL game. Will the New York Giants win their 11th consecutive game away from Giants Stadium? Or will the New England Patriots become the first 19-0 team in NFL history?
Q: If I had told you in September that a Manning would be in the Super Bowl, would you have ever guessed it would be Eli and not Peyton?
A: That would be the equivalent of asking which Hanks brother would win an Oscar this year and someone answering “Jim”.
Q: Quarterback Tom Brady: He’s the NFL MVP, leader of an 18-0 team, makes millions of dollars per year and is dating super model Gisele Bundchen. How good does this guy have it?
A: Right now, Brady could go to a garage sale and buy one of those “Dogs Playing Poker” paintings only to find out there’s a Van Gogh masterpiece underneath.
Q: The majority of NFL fans outside of New England are going to be rooting vociferously for the Giants. Why do you think that is?
A: Because NFL fans don’t like to see any team other than their own have enormous success. Those same people probably vote Democrat, too.
Q: So does that mean you’ll be rooting for the Patriots?
A: Absolutely! If New England wins, we no longer have to endure that smug collection of 1972 Miami Dolphins popping champagne corks every year when the last unbeaten team loses for the first time. And it also means I can tell my Dad (huge 49ers fan; Patriots hater) that Tom Brady won four Super Bowl titles in less time than it took Joe Montana.
Q: Do you believe the rumors that Giants coach Tom Coughlin has taken a “kinder, gentler” approach with his team this season?
A: Yeah, the same thing was probably said about General George S. Patton during the 1943 invasion of Sicily…..right before he slapped one of his soldiers. Let’s hope for kicker Lawrence Tynes’ sake that he doesn’t miss a key field goal again this week.
Q: Can you imagine how Tynes must have felt when he had to face a frostbitten Coughlin after missing two field goals in the NFC championship game?
A: Hey, the “meaner, gruffer” Coughlin would have made the native Scot wear a kilt when attempting his next kick.
Q: Is there anything that will entice you to watch musician Tom Petty perform during the big halftime extravaganza?
A: Only if he’s with the rest of his Traveling Wilburys band mates.
Q: Uh, you do realize that two members of that band are now deceased, don’t you?
A: So? They propped up Keith Richards two years ago when the Rolling Stones were the halftime entertainment.
Q: What’s a good thing to eat while watching the big game?
A: As an NFL fan it is not only my right to consume foods which will make me an asset in chemical warfare, but it’s also my responsibility.
Q: I got a riddle for ya. Can you name the only US President who was actually a duck?
A: Yeah, yeah, I heard that one when I was a teenager. The answer is Mallard Fillmore. What, are you running out of football questions?
Q: OK, here’s the finale. The Patriots are a 12-point favorite to beat the Giants. Who is your pick to win Super Bowl XLII?
Overall postseason record:
Straight up: 6-4