Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Tiger "Tigg Daddy" Woods

Bill Simmons (a/k/a The Sports Guy) of espn.com recently called out the best pro golfer of our time.

Since Tiger Woods continues to collect PGA tourney wins like windshields collect bugs on a two-hour drive through the country, The Sports Guy apparently has lost interest. Not only in Tiger’s cold-blooded precision in winning tournaments but in Tiger himself.

He's a relatively blank slate. He keeps winning and winning and gives us nothing to say. In fact, I once wrote an ESPN.com column titled, "Tiger Woods: What Else Can You Say?" That was five years ago.

Look, Tiger -- you've won. In every respect. Even your smoking-hot wife is the envy of every guy between the ages of 13 and 120. I repeat: You've won. So for the rest of your prime, couldn't you at least try to keep us on our toes?

TSG then proceeds to list ten ways in which Tiger could at least bring some intrigue into future matches.

It was the very first suggestion which really caught my attention.

Back in 1997 you were covered in Nike gear, flashed that infamous toothy smile and talked with the same voice Dave Chappelle uses to make fun of white people. Nine years later? Nothing has changed. Maybe you're a little thicker and have a little less hair, but basically you're the same. Time to mix it up. Wear Kangol caps and fedoras. Show up for Sawgrass looking like Jules from "Pulp Fiction," right down to the Jheri curls and muttonchops.

I think Tiger could make that look work!* I just hope he doesn’t morph into the Jules personality. Can you imagine the foul-mouthed diatribes when Tiger slices a tee shot?

*My thanks to our good friend Nancy for submitting the photo!

No comments: