The NFL: The Notorious Felon League.
Just check out some of the headlines from this past week:
Bengals' Thurman suspended for season following arrest
DEA: Chargers' Kiel shipped Rx drugs
Broncos S Brandon turns self in after warrant issued
I guess that puts things in perspective when I stated my ability to pick NFL games should be a crime. Still below .500 but looking to get above this week.
As always, the following picks against the point spread are not to be taken seriously (like you already didn’t know that).
Colts (-9) at Jets: When Colts QB Peyton Manning scored a touchdown on a bootleg last week, he looked as though he was running through a wind tunnel.
Chargers (-2 ½) at Ravens: When facing the aggressive Ravens defense, look for Chargers QB Philip Rivers to play “hot potato” with the football.
Vikings (+1) at Bills: The combined charisma of coaches Brad Childress and Dick Jauron barely equal that of Bill Belichick.
Cowboys (-9 ½) at Titans: Kim Etheredge, publicist of Cowboys WR Terrell Owens, proved she’s a gal who can do it all. She held a press conference on Wednesday afternoon and then gave the team haircuts later that evening.
49ers (+7) at Chiefs: George Saunders’ last words: “Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.”
He must have been a 49ers fan.
Saints (+7 ½) at Panthers: Last week, the Panthers defense caused Bucs QB Chris Simms to rupture his spleen. This week? They’re going for Saints QB Drew Brees’ gall bladder.
Cardinals (+7) at Falcons: Falcons QB Michael Vick having to rely on his passing arm is like Cards QB Kurt Warner having to rely on his speed.
Dolphins (-4) at Texans: Houston DE Mario Williams, #1 overall draft pick in 2006, is tied with me for number of sacks this season.
Lions (+5 ½) at Rams: When Lions offensive coordinator Mike Martz was with the Rams, he had an offense which was dubbed “The Greatest Show on turf.” As Lions assistant, he has the football equivalent to the circus side show, featuring the 500-pound bearded lady.
Patriots (+6) at Bengals: Question: Why was Bengals LB Odell Thurman driving a car with a .18 blood alcohol level and teammates Chris Henry and Reggie McNeal as passengers?
Answer: Thurman was the most sober of the three.
Jaguars (-2 ½) at Redskins: How confident was Redskins QB Mark Brunell last week after completing a record 22 consecutive passes? He eschewed the playbook and started to draw plays in the dirt.
Browns (-2 ½) at Raiders: Considering the grim prospects for this season, Raiders fans will have an easy transition out of their normal silver-and-black attire. Just ditch the silver.
Seahawks (+3 ½) at Bears: Seahawks RB Shaun Alexander has a “non-displaced” fracture in his left foot. Huh? So would he be able to play with a “Displaced” fracture?
Packers (+11) at Eagles: Packers QB Brett Favre in another prime time football game. I can never tell if ESPN guy Joe Theismann is simply awed by Favre’s talent or wants to marry him.
Last Week: 5-8-1