Thursday, September 28, 2006

Jesse's gems.

Former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura is back in the news. The former governor, who has been living in Mexico, has been campaigning on behalf of fellow renegade crackpot Independent gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman. Friedman is running for governor of the state of Texas.

Of course, the former governor of Minnesota….

Enough already! That’s the third time you’ve used the phrase “former governor.” Aren’t you getting a little redundant?

Yeah, probably. But you have to admit that “former governor” Ventura has a nice ring to it.

Anyhow, Ventura couldn’t help but monopolize the spotlight with a few thoughts of his own.

Regarding the proposed Mexican border fence being debated in Congress:
"It may be designed to keep people out, but what if it keeps you in 10 years from now? I, for one, don't want to live in East Berlin."

Yes, but we would be OK with you actually living in East Berlin!

On California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who starred in "Predator," one of Ventura's movies: "Ah, let him win a real election, like I did."

Oh, you mean that election in 1998 where 62% of the voters DID NOT want you as governor.

What he and Friedman represent: "We're the real moderates in politics. As the late, great Jerry Garcia once said: If you have to pick between the lesser of two evils, you still have to pick evil."

Having been in a 3-way contest in 1998, it was considered a “rat race.” Therefore, the winner of such a race was still a rat.

About petropolitics and the Bush administration: "So gas prices are going down and the election is coming? There's a connection? God, are they naïve. It's being taken away as an election issue. ... Everyone knows the Saudis are in bed with the Bushes. And they control the oil prices. Look at 9/11; [most] of the 19 hijackers are Saudis and we invade Iraq?"

Sounds similar to you “being in bed” with the Mass Transit people. You spend the state’s surplus and then the Light Rail project goes over budget and is delayed?

On Vice President Dick Cheney's shooting of a hunting partner: "Had he served in the military, he'd have known how to handle that weapon. The man was negligent."

Why, I’d think you would have been singing the VP’s praises. After all, you were the one who said “Until you hunted man, you haven't hunted yet."

On what he sees as the stranglehold the Democratic and Republican parties exert on American politics: "It isn't democracy -- it's fascism. Who's in control of the government? Big business and organized religion."

If only that were the case. Big business aims to be profitable. Our government spends like drunken sailors. Organized religion? According to you that is a “sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers.” Yet the definition of a democracy is “Government by the people, exercised either directly or through elected representatives.“ How are representatives elected? Through a majority (i.e. STRENGTH IN NUMBERS!!). Besides, if we had a fascist government you would be maggot fodder for spewing such rhetoric about said government.

Once again, Jesse proves that if he didn’t really exist there is no way we could ever invent him.

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