Monday, February 02, 2009

In mourning

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:7

This one is tricky.

As I have written many times here, my wife and I have been in the adoption phase for almost two years now. Unfortunately life had some unexpected turns over these past several months and thus the process was put on hold a couple of times. But it appeared we were cleared for takeoff in December once we were fully settled in to our new house and my wife had finished her Masters degree. Of course, bringing a child into our lives would be bittersweet. While we were certainly excited to expand our family, we were saddened that Jennifer's Dad would never meet his new grandchild. He so wanted a granddaughter and we just had this feeling that we were going to get a girl.

So you can imagine the whirlwind our lives became in mid January when my gal found out she was pregnant! We were absolutely ecstatic but at the same time cautious. Given it was Jen's first pregnancy we knew the potential for complications. As such, we shared the news with immediate family only.

For the first week we tried to wrap our minds around having a baby. It hardly seemed real since we had hoped and prayed for a child for the past several years but had no success. The second week brought genuine joy and excitement. We finally allowed ourselves to start planning.

Sadly, our joy turned to sorrow as we lost our baby over the weekend. I guess I can say we weren't totally unprepared. However, our indelible faith seldom allowed us to believe anything but the best. But since God's ways are higher than ours and He sees the end from the beginning, we're going to continue to move forward in faith knowing we will have our victory.

For the short term, we are heart broken. But we can also rejoice in the fact that baby Carlson is meeting Grandpa after all.



Margaret said...

We are terribly sorry to hear of your loss and will keep you in our prayers.

Mark Heuring said...

I'm so sorry, Brad. We'll be praying for you and Jennifer.

Night Writer said...

We are sorry to hear of your temporary loss. Our pastors' son and daughter-in-law "lost" twins a year or so ago, but our pastors refer to their 10 grandchildren, though you can only see 8.

Actually, #10 just arrived last Friday night, for the same son and daughter-in-law! The story goes on!

My sister and her husband also suffered that kind of loss, a son. I wrote something then that was a comfort; I'll offer it to you here as well in the same hopes:

Cowboy Song
The cowboy’s found his way
to the high plateau,
where there’s blue sky above
and gold clouds below;
where the grass waves to him,
and he rides like the wind,
with a smile on his face
as if he’s never known sin.

His horse is named Mercy,
his saddle is Grace,
and he knows that there can be
no better place;
and the sound of his hoofbeats
will come now and again,
faint but familiar
like a heartbeat within.

“I know you, sweet rider,”
you’ll say in those times,
and pause in his presence,
and feel for the signs,
that there’s pain in the journey,
but peace in the end,
when the strays are all gathered
with no fences to mend.

“Cowboy, ride on,
ride free and ride wide,
gallop forever,
my heart by your side.
Though I don’t know the words
to the song that you’ll sing,
I’ll listen when it’s quiet
to the peace that it brings.

When comes the sunset,
may my faith be whole,
ride ‘cross the river
and comfort my soul.
Push back your hat,
let me see your face,
reach down your hand,
and pull me up into space.
Meanwhile from a branch
in the highest tree
a dove sings the song
that you’ve sung to me.”

Gino said...

my condolences, and prayers, go out to you and your wife.

Dan S. said...

Brad and Jennifer,

I am so sorry for your loss. While our words of prayer and condolence may not seem like much now, I am confident that you two will one day make great parents, whether of your own or through adoption. You are a great couple and certainly deserve the joy that children will bring.

Hang in there, and God bless,

Anonymous said...

I know this is pretty late. I was deciding whether or not I should leave a comment. Anyway, even though I don't know you I have been a fan of your blog for a couple of years now. By reading this blog I have concluded that you would be great parents. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that someday maybe tomorrow maybe in two years that you will be blessed with a child. WHEN you have kids I hope they know that they are lucky to have parents like you. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. God bless