Merry Christmas to all you football fans and ACLU members!
The Holidays are a busy time of the year so I am off to help my wife finish making her pear salad (Actually, she forgot to make it so I am off to the grocery store).
Remember, the following picks against the point spread are for recreational purposes only.
Bills (+14) at Bengals: Bengals rookie receiver Chris Henry was recently arrested on marijuana charges. I guess I should have checked the scouting report: Plays best on grass.
Steelers (-7) at Browns: The only issues the Browns have this time of year is whether or not they want to wear those creamsicle looking jerseys.
Chargers (pick ‘em) at Chiefs: 50. That’s the “over/under” line for points this game and the number of missed tackles last week by the Chiefs’ defense.
Titans (+5 ½) at Dolphins: Titans RB Travis Henry needs only 778 yards rushing over the next two games to get to 1,000 for the season.
Jaguars (-6) at Texans: How much does Texans coach Dom Capers want this season to end? Instead of addressing the team at halftime he will run home for a quick turkey dinner.
Lions (+3) at Saints: I would prefer to light my remaining eight hairs on fire than sit through a QB matchup of Joey Harrington & Todd Bouman.
Cowboys (+5) at Panthers: After four straight weeks of porous run defense, Dallas’ “Doomsday Defense” takes on a whole new meaning.
Giants (+3) at Redskins: If Skins RB Clinton Portis has a big game running the ball, I am making a special request for the Washington Post headline the next day:
CLINTON BAD FOR NEW YORK
Falcons (+3) at Buccaneers: Watching Falcons RB Warrick Dunn run the ball is like watching the hobbits attempting to run through the forest of talking trees (My apologies to the three of you who have not seen “Lord of the Rings”).
Eagles (+1) at Cardinals: With QB Kurt Warner out for the season, the Cards must choose between Josh McCown and John Navarre. That reminds me of my childhood when my Grandmother gave me the choice of either asparagus or brussel sprouts.
49ers (+9 ½) at Rams: The Rams have chosen on Jamie Martin to start at QB over Ryan Fitzpatrick. That’s the equivalent of choosing asparagus over brussel sprouts.
Colts (+8) at Seahawks: Since the Colts have sewn up home field throughout the AFC playoffs, the offense has been somewhat lax in practice. While calling a play in the huddle, Peyton Manning would say things like “Ah, the heck with it. Everyone go deep.”
Raiders (+13) at Broncos: Think the Al Davis-Mike Shanahan feud is over? Shanahan has told Invesco Field groundskeepers to pile up shoveled snow and place it in visiting owners’ suite.
Bears (-6 ½) at Packers: After 3 straight weeks of erroneously picking the Pack to cover the point spread, I am summoning Brett Favre, Donald Driver and coach Mike Sherman to my office (actually, it’s a corner booth at Snuffy’s malt shop in Roseville, MN). You’ve made a fool out of me for the last time!
Vikings (-3) at Ravens: Vikes coach Mike Tice was critical of the fans who scalped their tickets last week for the game at home against the Steelers. Next thing you know, Ravens coach Brian Billick will reprimand Baltimore fans for using foul language.
Patriots (-4 ½) at Jets: Alcohol won't be sold during the game between the Jets and Patriots at the Meadowlands in an attempt to quell rowdy fan behavior. And here we all thought that the Jets fans were buying brown paper bags to put over their heads.
Last week: 9-7
Season to date: 46-46-2