Saturday, November 19, 2005

NFL Week 11: Hernia not for kids anymore

There’s an epidemic raging through the National Football League this season. The dreaded “sports hernia” has reared its ugly head.

Some of its victims include Minnesota Vikings center Matt Birk, Indianapolis Colts linebacker Cato June, and now, most notably, Eagles QB Donovan McNabb.

Poor McNabb can’t catch a break. Just a week earlier he had gotten rid of that pain in his rear called a “T.O.”. Now this.

When I hear the term “hernia”, I think of the lower-stomach ailment for which I had surgery as a six-year old.

But what is a sports hernia?

In a recent Associated Press story, Dr. William Meyers of Drexel University explained it this way:

Think of the pubic bone as a joint and certain muscles are attached to it and what happens is you rip one of those attachments.


And what’s worse, I can almost guarantee that any of these NFL players who had surgery for the sports hernia didn’t get a ride on a toy fire engine or receive a plastic fire hat like yours truly!

Well, chalk up another injury term hijacked by sports. Do you remember when “Tennis elbow” was merely called “lateral humeral epicondylitis”?

With my picks against the point spread last week, I guess I can be deemed “Prognosticationally challenged” after a pathetic 5-9 showing.

As always, the following picks against the point spread are not to be taken seriously.

Panthers (-3) at Bears: If it is as windy this Sunday in Chicago as it was last week, Bears kicker Robbie Gould may want to attempt Field Goals from sidelines.
Pick: Panthers

Jaguars (-4) at Titans: Travis Henry, RB, Tennessee Titans: 32 carries, 99 yards. “Not a bad game” you say? That is his FIVE game total.
Pick: Jaguars

Colts (-5) at Bengals: WR Chad Johnson of the Bengals says his end zone celebration against the Colts will be “Martha Stewart-like”. Is he going to change his jersey number to 55170-054?
Pick: Colts

Saints (+9) at Patriots: In last weeks’ game against the Dolphins, the Patriots lost another defensive starter to injury. At this rate, they’ll be ready to call Raymond Clayborn out of retirement.
Pick: Saints

Cardinals (+9) at Rams: The Rams have had significant injuries and scuffles on their team this year – amongst the COACHES.
Pick: Rams

Buccaneers (+6) at Falcons: After throwing for over 200 yards last week, Falcons’ QB Michael Vick now wants his bronze bust placed in Canton, OH.
Pick: Falcons

Raiders (+6) at Redskins: Randy Moss’ lack of endorsement for Raiders coach Norv Turner took the media by surprise. I’m shocked myself. It’s been almost 12 months since Randy publicly dissed a head coach.
Pick: Redskins

Lions (+7½) at Cowboys: Lions QB Joey Harrington has a built-in excuse for throwing interceptions this week. “Hey, coach, don’t yell at me. You told me to throw it to Roy Williams.”
Pick: Cowboys

Eagles (+7) at Giants: This week’s Eagles injury report: Out: Donovan McNabb (groin); Terrell Owens (inflated ego).
Pick: Giants

Dolphins (+2½) at Browns: The Scouting report on Dolphins RB Ricky Williams: Performs best on grass.
Pick: Dolphins

Seahawks (-12½) at 49ers: All you need to know about 49ers offense: Joe Nedney, the KICKER, has been responsible for all the 49ers points the last three games. QB Tim Rattay is their leading passer in terms of yardage – AND HE DOESN’T PLAY FOR THE TEAM!!!
Pick: Seahawks

Bills (+10½) at Chargers: At the rate he’s going Chargers RB LaDainian Tomlinson is projected to lead the Chargers in rushing TDs, receiving TDs AND passing TDs.
Pick: Bills

Jets (+13½) at Broncos: Jets QB Brooks Bollinger has not had a pass intercepted in his last one attempt(s). That’s exactly 170 shy of Broncos QB Jake Plummer’s current streak.
Pick: Broncos

Steelers (-3½) at Ravens: Tommy Maddox will start at quarterback for the Steelers this week with WR Antwaan Randle El being the emergency QB. Ah, there will be an emergency during the game – TOMMY MADDOX WILL START AT QUARTERBACK.
Pick: Steelers

Chiefs (-7) at Texans: In Houston they are renaming the quarterback sack a “Carr crash”.
Pick: Chiefs

Vikings (+4½) at Packers: Free to the first 10,000 fans entering Lambeau field on Monday night: Green and Gold knee brace!
Pick: Packers

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