Sunday, November 13, 2005

NFL Week 10: Owens saga makes one want to "ralph"

Don’t you love it when the politicians get involved in professional sports?

You’ve got Congress trying to impose sanctions on Major league Baseball regarding use of steroids by players. Hey, it’s not like we have an illegal immigration problem or a screwed up tax system. The guys and gals on Capitol Hill need something on which to focus their attention.

Now, according to an story, former Presidential candidate Ralph Nader has written a letter pining for the return of suspended Philadelphia Eagles WR Terrell Owens.

In the November 10 letter written to NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue and Eagles CEO Jeffrey Lurie, Nader wrote:

"If the Eagles management declines to remedy its mistake, commissioner Tagliabue, you should intervene to overturn the team's decision, which dishonors this country's traditional respect for free speech and cheats fans of an opportunity to see arguably the best receiver in football. Let him play."

The team’s decision dishonors this country’s respect for traditional free speech? What, you mean Owens has been jailed for his comments?

The whole spirit of the First amendment to our Constitution is for a citizen to be able to speak out against our government without fear of incarceration. The last time I checked, the Eagles are not a body of government and Owens banishment is not to a jail cell.

Although, how much worse could jail be compared to Drew Rosenhaus having his hand up your back, mouthing your words?

Be advised that the following picks against the point spread are for parody purposes only.

Kansas City (+2½) at Buffalo: Chief’s coach Dick Vermeil cried after an emotional win last week versus the Oakland Raiders. Like when women cry to get out of speeding tickets, maybe Vermeil could conjure up tears to get his team out of a holding penalty.
Pick: Chiefs

Washington (Pick ‘em) at Tampa Bay: After a stellar start to his rookie season, Bucs’ RB Carnell “Cadillac” Williams lately has looked more like a Ford Fiesta.
Pick: Redskins

New England (-3) at Miami: With all the injuries suffered by the Patriots this season, the new team logo will feature a Paul Revere-like figure wearing a sling and on crutches.
Pick: Patriots

San Francisco (+13) at Chicago: The only way the Bears, and their woeful Offense, cover the point spread here is if they shut out the 49ers. That said….
Pick: Bears

Minnesota (+9) at NY Giants: Since the Vikings are so woeful on the road this season, they will attempt to make something productive out of this trip by picking up litter on the Jersey turnpike.
Pick: Giants

Arizona (+3½) at Detroit: A new scientific experience to take place at Ford Field: The stoppable force (Lions’ offense) against the moveable object (Cardinals’ defense).
Pick: Lions

Baltimore (+6) at Jacksonville: The over/under line on this game is 33. That indicates the number of expletives used by Brian Billick in halftime speech.
Pick: Ravens

Houston (+17) at Indianapolis: Texans’ officials ask for some sort of extra advantage to make game competitive; Colts’ QB Peyton Manning to throw left-handed.
Pick: Colts

NY Jets (+8 ½) at Carolina: Jets’ QB Vinny Testaverde is now at the age where, if released by the team, he’ll have to sign a waiver not to sue for age discrimination.
Pick: Panthers

Denver (-3) at Oakland: This weekend’s Broncos-Raiders game will be broadcast in Navajo. I always wondered how you’d say “Moss took that play off” in Indian.
Pick: Broncos

St Louis (+6½) at Seattle: What’s the difference between Rams’ players Richie Incognito and Marshall Faulk? One’s named Incognito; the other is incognito.
Pick: Seahawks

Green Bay (+9) at Atlanta: Listed on this week’s Packer injury report: QB Brett Favre (bruised ego) is probable.
Pick: Falcons

Cleveland (+7 1/2) at Pittsburgh: Steelers’ QB Charlie Batch, in his first start last week since 2001, initially took the field in a stocking cap.
Pick: Browns

Dallas (+3) at Philadelphia: The Eagles are out to prove that they can win without Terrell Owens and his big mouth. Not exactly “Win one for the Gipper”.
Pick: Eagles

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