Fauxcahontas chronicles

In the 1987 film Good Morning, Vietnam, hilarious radio disc jockey Adrian Cronauer (played brilliantly by Robin Williams) was brought to Vietnam to host a program on the U.S. Armed Services station. Upon becoming frustrated with being censored from reading news which reflected the dire situation in 'nam, Cronauer left the show for a time and was replaced by Lt. Steven Hauk. While Lt. Hauk fancied himself even more uproariously funny than Cronauer, the radio station staff vehemently disagreed. In fact, the staff was so horrified by Hauk's unfunny bits that they begged him not to go on the air.

Brushing aside their concerns, Lt. Hauk went on anyways. This is what ensued.





While the staff was embarrassed by Lt. Hauk's cringe worthy bit, Hauk himself was indignant over how the behind-the-scenes radio guys could have, in his mind, so blatantly underestimated his comedic prowess.

This is analogous to President Trump constantly chiding Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) over her declaration that she is of Native American ancestry. Trump was so skeptical of that claim that he offered to donate $1 million to Warren's favorite charity if she took a DNA test to prove her Indian heritage.

In an effort to put this controversy to bed, Warren took the DNA test and proclaimed via video that it validates what she has said all along.

However, like Lt. Hauk, Warren's indignant attitude appears unjustified.

The test found that she might be somewhere between 1/64th and 1/1,024th (!) "Native American," the definition of which included Mexican, Colombian and Peruvian DNA as a "stand in." Yes, really. Science says that she may actually be less Native American than the average white American.

This very much leaves open the wildly entertaining possibility that Donald Trump is, in fact, more "Native American" than Elizabeth Warren. But anyway, yes, she's obviously running for president, and she knows that this issue will cause headaches among not only right-leaning voters who already oppose her, but also among progressive voters who might hold certain Identity Politics infractions against her.

To add insult to injury, Cherokee Nation Secretary of State Chuck Hoskin, Jr. called b.s. on Warren's DNA test even having any relevance.

A DNA test is useless to determine tribal citizenship. Current DNA tests do not even distinguish whether a person’s ancestors were indigenous to North or South America. Sovereign tribal nations set their own legal requirements for citizenship, and while DNA tests can be used to determine lineage, such as paternity to an individual, it is not evidence for tribal affiliation. Using a DNA test to lay claim to any connection to the Cherokee Nation or any tribal nation, even vaguely, is inappropriate and wrong. It makes a mockery out of DNA tests and its legitimate uses while also dishonoring legitimate tribal governments and their citizens, whose ancestors are well documented and whose heritage is proven. Senator Warren is undermining tribal interests with her continued claims of tribal heritage.

After such a brutal day on Monday, The Onion perfectly encapsulated another test Warren undertook.

Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential Material https://t.co/YrpY1AYgqF pic.twitter.com/u5OgHIKVYg

— The Onion (@TheOnion) October 15, 2018

Indeed.

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